Current mood:	indescribable
Current music:	Weezer - Troublemaker

A jumbled mess of thoughts and yarn..
Sooooooo many things to say, sooooooo many ways to say each and every one of them. So many ways I'm probly not going to say any of them, at least, to people who don't already know.

It's not that I'm trying to be cryptic. That's more just a byproduct then anything. No.. this is more of an entry to remind myself that there ARE so many things to say, and that there ARE so many ways to say each and every one of those things. It's a problem I have sometimes, the ability to sort out the scrambled mess in my brain. Even now I sit here, realizing I still don't fully understand a lot of the things that I'm thinking or feeling. I don't know that I ever will.

I will say this. I don't extremely dislike where I am working right now. I don't even extremely dislike the job that I'm doing. But the manner in which it's currently working, and the way in which things around me are happening.. I'm certainly not happy with it. There's nothing I can do about it, and that bothers me a lot too. It's not exactly easy to find job alternatives right now.. hell, it wasn't easy a few years ago when I tried and that was before everything started falling apart. I know, I should be happy that I still have a job. I am, on a certain level. It's certainly better then not having any income. Is it enough, though? That's got to be the one thing that bothered me more than anything else during our last company meeting. We were told that our profit sharing was a thing of the past, most likely to never return, all the while being told that the company is now doing fine and just needs to make the bottom line look better by keeping more money from us. I can't remember the exact things that were said, or the exact points that were touched, but myself and a few others came out of there with a fairly clear message. "Be happy you all still have jobs. By the way, we need you all to work even harder to keep those jobs, doing the work of 2-3 others in the process because we fired them. By the by, no pay increase for that. Yea.".

That part is just me bitching to bitch, really. There have been good things, too. Both at work and out of work. Maybe some day I'll have the guts and the presence of mind to actually write about it. The more I think about some of the things that have happened recently, the harder it is to write about any of it. I give up for now.

[Edit] An addendum, however. I am an idiot. I really, really am.